She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
