I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
