whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
