I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
