How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
