I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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