Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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