super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
