Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
