Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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