her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
thus making me awesome and them whores
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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