I need help removing her.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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