Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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