I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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