My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
