its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Randomize
