took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
