Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
