so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
