I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sorry about my life...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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