I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
