anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
