Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
