and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
