speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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