She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
