just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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