the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
