Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
