Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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