I skipped work to stalk him.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
