Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
