Yo dont text me then not text me
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she pinky promised me she was 18
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
