I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
