He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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