$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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