the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
How many fucks given?
0.12846
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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