that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
not ubering you a puppy
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
