yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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