i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
