Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
