I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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