Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We have so much sex to catch up on
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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