i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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