I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
