I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
