i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
