oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
