Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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