Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
